Sit down son, I wanna tell you something. The strangest thing happened to me the other day. I was about to take a piss when a small man wriggled his way out of the hole in my penis. He turned to me and said hello.
Well by golly that sure scared the heck outta me. He was wearing a top hat and a tuxedo and he said his name was Luther. He told me that he would grant me three wishes. I said I only wanted one but he told me I had to pick three, so I wished that I only had to pick one. "Your wish is my command!" he said, as he slithered back up through my urethra.
Only then did I realize what I had done. Boy did I feel like an idiot wasting my wishes like that. I was gonna ask for a 2017 Honda Civic. It's the most popular car in America and it has a five-star safety rating from the NHTSA. I wasn't even fussed about the color.
Anyway, I hope you learned a valuable lesson from this story. Now get dressed or you're gonna be late for school. I love you, son.