Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Bad Boys 2

Every now and then, when I start to feel a little down, I think about the movie Bad Boys 2, starring Martin Lawrence and Will Smith. It is the sequel to the movie Bad Boys 1. It is a really amazing film.

I only saw it once when I was like 14 years old. It was on cable TV and I barely remember it, but what I do remember is fucking rad. Also, I rewatched clips of Bad Boys 2 on YouTube in preparation for writing this piece.

Bad Boys 2 has a really great scene where Martin Lawrence is on the phone, Will Smith looms over his shoulder and Martin Lawrence says, "Shit just got real." It's so sick.

In conclusion, Bad Boys 2 is pretty good. Bad Boys 1 is also pretty tight. The Bad Boys franchise is much better than the Rush Hour franchise. I can't wait for Bad Boys 3.

Peace and love.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Avocado Toast

Avocado toast makes me sick and want to vote Republican so I can elect people into political office who have never even heard of avocado toast.

Avocado toast has a stupid name. Nobody says "butter toast" or "bread meat bread." Just another reason why avocado toast is a child of the Internet age, where words must be shortened and characters are removed for brevity or irony.

Avocado toast costs about $8 in most restaurants in the area where I live. $8 is probably how much migrant workers are paid by the hour to pick the avocados used to make avocado toast.

I wonder if when McDonalds adds avocado toast to their menu will they call it "Avocado McToast" or "McAvocado Toast." Little Caesar's will start selling avocado crazy bread and it will probably taste like shit.

Avocado toast is the worst thing that white people have ever done. Racism is bad, genocide sucks, but avocado toast really fucking sucks.

I was in a pizza restaurant in Silver Lake and a man, the same age as me, came in on his own and ordered avocado toast in a pizza restaurant at like 12:30 in the afternoon. I wonder if I had done a few things differently in my life, could I have been this man, slicked back blonde hair and tattoos on his neck? Maybe if I just start eating avocado toast for every meal then I can become him. I can become avocado toast.

I wrote a poem about avocado toast. It's called "Avocado Toast" and it goes like this:

avocado toast
makes me sad
avocado toast
makes me mad
avocado toast
makes me sick
avocado toast
suck my dick

Thank you.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Shrek 2 Farquad - "Farquad's Curse"

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Los Angeles

Around 1 am, walking home from DTLA. I am 19 years old. Some guy about my age walking towards me makes eye contact and smiles and nods up at me. "Wanna go smoke a bowl?" I smirk. "It's like 1 am." "Yeah," he replies. "Another time man," I say. He shrugs and heads the other way.

My face and clothes are covered in red paint. I look like I have been severely beaten. Everybody in the In-N-Out is giving me looks.

Manage to catch a bus. Two weird fat men with Irish accents and an incredibly attractive Irish girl about my age sit next to me. The girl looks at me, makes eye contact, and smiles. It's almost 2 am now. The bus only comes once every hour. I wonder how long they were waiting, in a dark unfamiliar city. What brought them to this moment in their lives?

I have to change buses. I wait at the bus stop. Homeless guy waits too. I ask him, "Is the bus still running?" He says yes. I wait. 5-10 minutes later he asks me for a cigarette. I say I don't have any and apologize. "Sorry." I look at the timetable. The bus stopped running hours ago.