Saturday, November 18, 2017

Avocado Toast

Avocado toast makes me sick and want to vote Republican so I can elect people into political office who have never even heard of avocado toast.

Avocado toast has a stupid name. Nobody says "butter toast" or "bread meat bread." Just another reason why avocado toast is a child of the Internet age, where words must be shortened and characters are removed for brevity or irony.

Avocado toast costs about $8 in most restaurants in the area where I live. $8 is probably how much migrant workers are paid by the hour to pick the avocados used to make avocado toast.

I wonder if when McDonalds adds avocado toast to their menu will they call it "Avocado McToast" or "McAvocado Toast." Little Caesar's will start selling avocado crazy bread and it will probably taste like shit.

Avocado toast is the worst thing that white people have ever done. Racism is bad, genocide sucks, but avocado toast really fucking sucks.

I was in a pizza restaurant in Silver Lake and a man, the same age as me, came in on his own and ordered avocado toast in a pizza restaurant at like 12:30 in the afternoon. I wonder if I had done a few things differently in my life, could I have been this man, slicked back blonde hair and tattoos on his neck? Maybe if I just start eating avocado toast for every meal then I can become him. I can become avocado toast.

I wrote a poem about avocado toast. It's called "Avocado Toast" and it goes like this:

avocado toast
makes me sad
avocado toast
makes me mad
avocado toast
makes me sick
avocado toast
suck my dick

Thank you.

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