Monday, December 11, 2017


Every night when I get home, I sit down at my desk, turn on my computer, stare at the screen, and wait for something to happen. But nothing ever happens.

It's 8:32 PM. I go on Facebook. There's nothing there. I go on YouTube and watch a video. Now it's 8:37 PM. I stare at the screen some more. Eventually I think to myself, "I wish something would happen," or "What should I do now?" Nothing ever happens and I never know what to do, so I just keep staring at the screen until my eyes start to lose focus and my tongue hangs out of my mouth, and I make a sort of humming sound like, "Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

After a few minutes I blink and open up a new Internet tab. I go to type in a website but I don't know what website to go to. It's 9:14 PM. I suddenly think to myself, "How many wild buffalo are still alive in the US?" I Google it and learn that American buffalo are actually called bison. I also learn that Ted Turner, the billionaire media tycoon, owns over 50,000 bison to provide meat for his restaurant franchise Ted's Montana Grill, which specializes in serving bison.

You know what would be nice? If my computer could beat me up. It would be so awesome if my computer grew arms and punched me repeatedly in the throat and testicles. That way I would probably not go on the computer as much. I would definitely be much more focused and attentive when using it and I wouldn't spend my time on it reading about Ted's Montana Grill. Maybe it would encourage me to go to the gym and work out more, so I can kick my computer's ass.

I have a new notification on Facebook. I click on it. Two friends of mine are interested in events happening tomorrow. Cool.

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